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Literature Text
Diminish my reluctance,
to continue this fight,
Leaving seems an epiphany
to rule through day and night.
Repress my intuition,
to know right from wrong,
for I have slaughtered both,
hate was in my song.
Deny my inner thoughts,
hide them from above,
for hard as it seems,
my heart is full of love.
Prepare me for the future,
a life both good and right,
and keep my evil hidden
known only in the night.
Align my head to heaven,
where sadness is no more,
where pleasant minds do wander
and gold is at the door.
Render me completely,
a soul to sing and dance,
forgetting things that happen,
to leave me in this trance.
to continue this fight,
Leaving seems an epiphany
to rule through day and night.
Repress my intuition,
to know right from wrong,
for I have slaughtered both,
hate was in my song.
Deny my inner thoughts,
hide them from above,
for hard as it seems,
my heart is full of love.
Prepare me for the future,
a life both good and right,
and keep my evil hidden
known only in the night.
Align my head to heaven,
where sadness is no more,
where pleasant minds do wander
and gold is at the door.
Render me completely,
a soul to sing and dance,
forgetting things that happen,
to leave me in this trance.
This was written when my parents were being especially cruel and wouldn't let me see my bf (well he is fiance now) on the weekdays. BTW they still are doing that, but we managed to sneak and see each other after I work.
© 2003 - 2024 aibrean
Comments12
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Well, there are quite a few comments on this piece and I would echo a few of the sentiments I read.
It seems a little forced in places, as if, indeed, you were struggling to find something 'acceptable' that would rhyme. But rhyming poetry, although usually very structured by its very nature, should not sound forced. It should flow and the words should knit to one another with their sounds.
The last line is weak and doesn't complement the rest of the poem at all. A couple of other lines that would seem more in keeping came to my mind right away when I was reading. I think you should work on that a bit.
The poem reminds me of a prayer...in fact, it's style reminds me greatly of " Now I lay me down to sleep". Now, don't take that as an insult, because look how long THAT particular rhyme has stood the test of time! Your poem is simple in nature, just like that particuar prayer is and I think your title should reflect what it actually is...not an epiphany but instead a kind of plea.
I think the idea of your poem is mature and the expressing of it will grow in time.
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.
It seems a little forced in places, as if, indeed, you were struggling to find something 'acceptable' that would rhyme. But rhyming poetry, although usually very structured by its very nature, should not sound forced. It should flow and the words should knit to one another with their sounds.
The last line is weak and doesn't complement the rest of the poem at all. A couple of other lines that would seem more in keeping came to my mind right away when I was reading. I think you should work on that a bit.
The poem reminds me of a prayer...in fact, it's style reminds me greatly of " Now I lay me down to sleep". Now, don't take that as an insult, because look how long THAT particular rhyme has stood the test of time! Your poem is simple in nature, just like that particuar prayer is and I think your title should reflect what it actually is...not an epiphany but instead a kind of plea.
I think the idea of your poem is mature and the expressing of it will grow in time.
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.