Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

:megaphone:
 

Heartbeat of the Eagle by ~aibrean:iconaibrean:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open




Up on the cliff
Eyes wide open

I see it, I hear it
My senses are stronger
I'm lighter, I'm higher
Holding the wind in my wings

I feel it, I smell it
My heartbeat is quicker
I run in the air
Soaring with the clouds

Down I fall
Greeting the earth,
Heading towards the water,
the expanse of life.

My wings are drawn close
My claws are outstretched
I grasp, I dig
My meal in my fist.

I open my wings
Victory is mine
I climb towards my rock
Upwards I go

I stretch open the flesh
I eat greedily

Then I look from the cliff
Eyes wide open.
©2004-2009 ~aibrean
:iconaibrean:

Author's Comments

for the ~poetrycafe Animal Poetry Contest.

I decided to run with the idea of taking the animal's perspective.

You can find a similar poem I did called "The Eyes of the Wolf" here: [link]

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconhabeus:
~Habeus Jan 24, 2004, 5:56:35 AM
Nice use of imagery and description.
:iconurworthlesslikeme:
~urworthlesslikeme Jan 27, 2004, 7:19:39 AM
Very nice imagery very nice stanza use i like how u used little to no rhyming and it still flowed well this may be a favorite i will definately dev watch u

--
your more than you think you are
everything you should be
but are you who you wanted to be

------------------------------------------
:ninja: :matrixfight: :ninjadart: :jackdirt: :finger: :hug: :kiss: :shh:
:iconaibrean:
~aibrean Jan 27, 2004, 7:40:54 AM
I have a very similar one called "Eyes of the Wolf" here: [link]

Thank you for your comments :)

--
April S.
Portfolio
Contact

If you don't work with this, I don't work with you.
:iconurworthlesslikeme:
~urworthlesslikeme Jan 27, 2004, 7:49:29 AM
always welcom and i read it already

--
your more than you think you are
everything you should be
but are you who you wanted to be

------------------------------------------
:ninja: :matrixfight: :ninjadart: :jackdirt: :finger: :hug: :kiss: :shh:
:iconson-of-abraham:
~Son-of-Abraham Jan 27, 2004, 1:15:39 PM
Pummeling doesn't work well in that context. I like the fact that you used such a difficult theme. It's hard to write about what you don't know so to take on this challenge is impressive. I wouldn't tackle a theme like that. Congrats.
:iconaibrean:
~aibrean Jan 27, 2004, 1:24:26 PM
I changed it to "Greeting the earth" thanks for your crit...it's well met :D

--
April S.
Portfolio
Contact

If you don't work with this, I don't work with you.
:icondasya:
~dasya Jan 27, 2004, 3:11:14 PM
I like the repetition of eyes wide open ... and you have some very juicy phrases scattered through it, very eaglesque ... 'Holding the wind in my wings', 'I run in the air', ''the expanse of life', 'My meal in my fist'. You did a great job of evoking the way an eagle can inspire.
:iconaibrean:
~aibrean Jan 27, 2004, 4:20:52 PM
thanks...I did another one much like that called "The Eyes of the Wolf" there is a link to it in this description.

--
April S.
Portfolio
Contact

If you don't work with this, I don't work with you.
:iconramuel:
~Ramuel Jan 31, 2004, 7:13:17 AM
Wow this is really nice. I really like the simplistic style. I have only read a bit of poetry written in the perspective of animals, but I always like it(if its well done, which this is).

Down I fall
Greeting the earth,

Thats my fav part.
There's one thing I'd like to point out:
Your punctuation is a bit inconsistent. Its fine not to use punctuation, but you need to try to make sure you either do or dont use is. But, nobody really cares about it, anyway. I'm just being picky. :) It doesnt detract from the peice at all.
I'm going to go look at your other perspective peice.
:explosion:
-Ramuel
Previous Page12Next Page

Details

January 23, 2004
829 bytes
113 KB
400×264

Statistics

11
1 [who?]
145 (0 today)
22 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy